1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
