why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
