I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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