there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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