yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
