You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
