If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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