ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my poor anus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
