you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
