Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize