Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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