shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize