Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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