I'm eating all of the evidence.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
