Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
