it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Barsexuality is the new black.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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