Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
