dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize