my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
