I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
