I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3pm strippers are depressing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
