Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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