Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is the high leading the old right now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize