I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
