you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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