Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There r osticjed everywhere
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
