he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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