Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
