My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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