She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
