you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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