I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
