My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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