watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
