He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
