i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
