I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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