hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
