I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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