she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
