Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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