just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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