if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
