I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
