these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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