I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
