At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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