Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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