Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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