we have officially lost it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
