i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
