I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
