Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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