I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
