I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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