im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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