Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
