My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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