What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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