he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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