Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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