my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize