I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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