drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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