Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
