I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
