the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
