My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
