i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
